As I am currently living the hell of job seeking, I thought I might as well take the opportunity to come up with a useful, innovative job searching guide. Oh suck, careerone.com.au.
4 Steps to Successful Employment
1. Preparation
You should, of course, be prepared for your interview. If you are very charming, like Jeremy Irons, then you could possibly wing an interview with little to no preparation. Most people, however, are not charming, and so, unless you ARE Jeremy Irons (oh gosh, swoon!) you will need some we-prepared-this-earlier wit and knowledge to fall back on. For most jobs in a specialist arena, you will certainly need to demonstrate your skills and qualifications. Don't worry too much if these skills are not in the same area as the job you are applying for - having a Level 80 Gnome Warlock is just as profound an achievement as a degree, and any good employer will recognise this.
NB: For those looking to enter the public service, a working knowledge of eating and shouting is all that is needed.
For those gifted with a sense of comic timing, a few prepared jokes or humorous observations regarding race, sex or religion (or all three if you are clever!) can go a long way towards endearing yourself to future employer/s.
2. Personal appearance
A point often misinterpreted by interviewees. In any job interview situation, you want to put your best foot forward, but this does NOT mean that you should trump yourself up in some heinous pseudo-suit from Kmart for the day. You will look uncomfortable and probably end up with a rash from the synthetic-y goodness. Instead, be imaginative - how will your appearance illustrate to your potential employer your skills, talents and personality? For example, wearing a t-shirt with a comic book character or band name on it will immediately label you as a patron of the arts! A fancy dress costume will show self-confidence and enthusiasm. Attending an interview sans footwear demonstrates your firm anti-sweatshop stance. Be creative.
3. The Interview
Ah, and here the monster rears its ugly head - nerves! Nerves have gotten the better of many skilled potential employees over the years. The way to defeat them? Many different calming techniques exist which can help you to overcome those special needs moments that often arise during a job interview.
But only one works. Vodka.
Na zdorovje!
4. Post-interview follow-up
You should always follow up an interview with your potential employer - it will reinforce the good impression you have already made by demonstrating your eagerness for the position. Many other applicants will also do this, so in order to further enhance your 'stand-out' standing, it is a good idea to track down your potential employer's home address and spend some time camping out in his or her front yard. Show your helpful nature by opening your future boss' mail, perhaps walking the children to school. Before you know it, you'll be part of the family!
The interview process can be stressful, time-consuming, expensive, and sometimes depressing, but remember - the joy of a fulfilling career outweighs all. Good luck!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Mariana
She only said, "My life is dreary,
He cometh not," she said;
She said, "I am aweary, aweary,
I would that I were dead!"
I'm resigned to the fact that Mariana was a lovesick sop with crappy priorities as a consequence of her society's expectations of women. No-one can blame a girl for being daft when she's been brought up to think of herself only as a man's potential favourite doll. Mariana waited for her dude. He never came back. Maybe he was down the pub; maybe he got cold feet. Perhaps he was a poetic proselyte who fell victim to La Belle Dame sans Merci. In any case, Mariana wore herself out with wishing she was dead, and ended up out-drearying her setting by far.
[broadgeneralisation]We have a tendency to scorn Mariana and her female kin - or we profess a patronising gratitude that we are trousered children of the Age of Equality, with our bucketloads of free will and self-awareness.[/broadgeneralisation] It's only - just a small thing, really - well, you know... don't we act awfully similarly at times?
Alright, not all of us. A helluva lot though, or so one would think from popular telly shows, literature, films, music, pretentious art, all full of representations of women who align themselves with other women, perhaps, but orbit around men (solar system analogy FTW!). Twilight's Bella feels like too easy a victim, buuuuuuuuut I'm going to go there anyway. So, a relatively clever, modern, attractive adolescent female character, who - in the space of four bestsellers - manages to become a teenage mum with a nonagenarian husband and no college degree. Sure, immortality has its perks, and bloodsucking in-laws are a danger regardless of whether one associates with vampires or otherwise, yet shouldn't our heroines be just a little less dependent on our heroes?
Picture this: Bella thinks it over and realises that vampirism is a bit of a raw deal - what if the Edward thing doesn't work out? Perhaps, just maybe, there is something a little bizarre about being pressured (bribed) into a marital contract before the age of 20? So, sensible girl that Bella is, she decides to ditch the chap, head to college, move to somewhere sunny (San Fran) and become a professional something-or-other. California is teeming with vamps anyway, courtesy of His Magnificence Mister Joss Whedon, so she'll feel right at home. Initial regrets will fade away when Bella realises that her life is her OWN, and she doesn't need a large-eyebrowed hero brooding about the house to feel fulfilled. Her confidence resulting from her status as a successful and interesting woman allows her to attain sexual independence, and she is able to choose partners who, instead of having to restrain their rampant bloodlust, are quite happy to pop over for dinner and the occasional shag. When/if they're invited.
Although it's important to continue working on those naughty male chauvinist attitudes towards women (we babes are all totally empowered now guys, didn't you know derr?). It's SUPER DUPER important, however, to keep on scrubbing away at women's attitudes towards men. The Postmodern Mariana needs to delete her scummy chevalier from msn, and head over to La Belle Dame's flat for a few glasses of wine and some Buffy.
He cometh not," she said;
She said, "I am aweary, aweary,
I would that I were dead!"
I'm resigned to the fact that Mariana was a lovesick sop with crappy priorities as a consequence of her society's expectations of women. No-one can blame a girl for being daft when she's been brought up to think of herself only as a man's potential favourite doll. Mariana waited for her dude. He never came back. Maybe he was down the pub; maybe he got cold feet. Perhaps he was a poetic proselyte who fell victim to La Belle Dame sans Merci. In any case, Mariana wore herself out with wishing she was dead, and ended up out-drearying her setting by far.
[broadgeneralisation]We have a tendency to scorn Mariana and her female kin - or we profess a patronising gratitude that we are trousered children of the Age of Equality, with our bucketloads of free will and self-awareness.[/broadgeneralisation] It's only - just a small thing, really - well, you know... don't we act awfully similarly at times?
Alright, not all of us. A helluva lot though, or so one would think from popular telly shows, literature, films, music, pretentious art, all full of representations of women who align themselves with other women, perhaps, but orbit around men (solar system analogy FTW!). Twilight's Bella feels like too easy a victim, buuuuuuuuut I'm going to go there anyway. So, a relatively clever, modern, attractive adolescent female character, who - in the space of four bestsellers - manages to become a teenage mum with a nonagenarian husband and no college degree. Sure, immortality has its perks, and bloodsucking in-laws are a danger regardless of whether one associates with vampires or otherwise, yet shouldn't our heroines be just a little less dependent on our heroes?
Picture this: Bella thinks it over and realises that vampirism is a bit of a raw deal - what if the Edward thing doesn't work out? Perhaps, just maybe, there is something a little bizarre about being pressured (bribed) into a marital contract before the age of 20? So, sensible girl that Bella is, she decides to ditch the chap, head to college, move to somewhere sunny (San Fran) and become a professional something-or-other. California is teeming with vamps anyway, courtesy of His Magnificence Mister Joss Whedon, so she'll feel right at home. Initial regrets will fade away when Bella realises that her life is her OWN, and she doesn't need a large-eyebrowed hero brooding about the house to feel fulfilled. Her confidence resulting from her status as a successful and interesting woman allows her to attain sexual independence, and she is able to choose partners who, instead of having to restrain their rampant bloodlust, are quite happy to pop over for dinner and the occasional shag. When/if they're invited.
Although it's important to continue working on those naughty male chauvinist attitudes towards women (we babes are all totally empowered now guys, didn't you know derr?). It's SUPER DUPER important, however, to keep on scrubbing away at women's attitudes towards men. The Postmodern Mariana needs to delete her scummy chevalier from msn, and head over to La Belle Dame's flat for a few glasses of wine and some Buffy.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
"Moi, aussi, je joue de la flute;"
From the mouths of asses.
Starting up a new blog which will reflect these global attributes:
- Witty observations re: modern society
- Pretentious literature reviews
- Occasional dramatic moping, generally dependent upon current financial state
- Rants a la chateauedness
Ooh 3pm, time for alcohol. Tally ho!
Starting up a new blog which will reflect these global attributes:
- Witty observations re: modern society
- Pretentious literature reviews
- Occasional dramatic moping, generally dependent upon current financial state
- Rants a la chateauedness
Ooh 3pm, time for alcohol. Tally ho!
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